You're completely useless in the revolution.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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