so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
