Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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