I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We left the knife in your bed.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
