did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
