You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
