well I can't set my house on fire every night
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
