I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
