When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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