You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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