Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Mom said you looked used
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
