That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
