Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
