I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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