Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
