I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
