I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
