you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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