you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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