My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
