So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
