I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
