Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
