i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
