Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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