I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
