The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
the raccoons are back...
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