Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
