my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
