Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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