Already got asked if we're dating
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
