I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
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I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
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I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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