Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
