remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
