it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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