this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
