Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
