If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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