When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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