I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
