Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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