He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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