Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Randomize
