Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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