I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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