Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
