first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
