Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
