it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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