I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize