just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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