Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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