South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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