We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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