Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
