No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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