why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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