Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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