What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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