She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
