It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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