Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
