I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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