I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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