Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
