just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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