my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
