OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she looked like the before picture.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
