I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
