Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
