i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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