I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize