My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
