I wish I could teleport
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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