It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
