I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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